Promoting Positive Self-Esteem in Children and Teens
As therapists who specialize in supporting children and teens, we see firsthand how self-esteem shapes the way young people navigate their world. It influences everything—from friendships and school performance to how they handle challenges and setbacks.
When kids and teens feel good about themselves, they’re more likely to take healthy risks, build strong relationships, and persevere through difficulties. But when self-esteem is low, even small obstacles can feel like mountains.
So, how can we help children and teens develop unshakable confidence and a strong sense of self-worth? Let’s dive into some fun, practical, and research-backed ways to boost self-esteem! 😊
Why Self-Esteem Matters
Self-esteem isn’t about always feeling happy or thinking you’re the best at everything. It’s about knowing your worth, even when things don’t go perfectly.
Kids with healthy self-esteem are more likely to:
Try new things without fear of failure
Handle criticism and mistakes with resilience
Speak up for themselves
Build strong, positive friendships
Feel proud of their efforts (not just their successes)
On the flip side, low self-esteem can lead to self-doubt, avoidance of challenges, and negative self-talk (Read more about helping children challenge their negative thoughts about themselves here!) That’s why helping kids build confidence is one of the greatest gifts we can give them!
Anxiety and low self-esteem often go hand in hand, especially when children fear disappointing others or making mistakes. Parents can support these patterns early with encouragement, emotional validation, and coping tools. Read more in our blog on Helping Your Anxious Child: Tools and Tips for Parents.
How Parents Can Support Self-Esteem
👂 Listen with empathy
Validate their feelings and remind them that they don’t have to be perfect to be worthy and loved. Learn more about empathy and kindness in our blog on building emotional awareness and compassionate relationships!
🌟 Praise effort, not just results
Instead of “You’re so smart!” try “I love how hard you worked on that!” This reinforces confidence in their effort, not just outcomes.
🤗 Be a confidence model
Kids absorb how we treat ourselves, too! Show them what healthy self-esteem looks like by speaking kindly about yourself and embracing mistakes as learning moments.
🏆 Encourage independence
Let them make age-appropriate decisions, try new things, and problem-solve on their own. Confidence comes from experiencing small successes!
More Confidence-Boosting Activities & Practices
Idea #1: ‘The Magical Yet’ Book
One great resource for helping children develop a growth mindset is the book The Magical Yet by Angela DiTerlizzi. This story teaches kids that the things they cannot do right now are not permanent limitations, but skills they have not mastered yet. By introducing the idea of a “magical yet,” children begin to shift their thinking from “I cannot do this” to “I cannot do this yet,” which builds persistence, confidence, and resilience. This mindset can be especially helpful for children who struggle with perfectionism, low self-esteem, or fear of failure because it reframes mistakes and challenges as a natural part of learning and growth rather than a reflection of their worth.
Idea #2: The “I Am” Collage
Grab some magazines, scissors, and glue! Have your child or teen create a collage of words and images that describe their strengths and positive qualities. If they struggle to come up with ideas, help them by asking:
What makes you a good friend?
When have you been brave?
What’s something you’ve worked hard to learn?
This activity helps kids see their positive traits visually, creatively reinforcing their self-worth!
Idea #3: “Brave Moments” Jar
Encourage your child to decorate a jar and label it “Brave Moments.” Every time they step outside their comfort zone, write it down and drop it in the jar.
Examples:
“I raised my hand in class today.”
“I tried a new food even though I was nervous.”
“I introduced myself to a new friend.”
When self-doubt creeps in, they can revisit their jar and see proof that they are capable and courageous!
Idea #4: Role-Playing Self-Talk
Negative self-talk is a sneaky confidence thief! Try this fun role-playing game:
Have your child or teen pretend to be their own best friend.
Say something they often tell themselves when they feel down (e.g., “I’m so bad at math.”).
Then, as their “best friend,” have them respond with kindness and encouragement (“You’re still learning, and that’s okay!”).
