Supporting Your Anxious Child Before Holiday Gatherings
For many families, the holidays are filled with excitement, connection, and celebration. But for some children, the weeks leading up to big family gatherings can bring something else entirely: worry, overwhelm, or a sense of dread they can’t explain. Changes in routine, unfamiliar relatives, loud environments, and long social days can make this season feel especially challenging for kids who experience anxiety.
If your child struggles during the holidays, please know this is far more common than you might think. There is nothing wrong with your child or your parenting. Big feelings show up for many families this time of year, and with gentle preparation, children can feel more safe, confident, and supported.
Here are therapist informed ways to help your child feel steadier as holiday events approach us!
1. Start with Validation and Curiosity
One of the most powerful starting points is helping your child feel understood. Kids often relax when a grownup slows down and tries to see the world through their eyes.
Try phrases like:
“It makes sense that you are feeling nervous about this.”
“Tell me more about what your brain is imagining.”
“Thank you for telling me. I am glad we can figure this out together.”
➤ These kinds of responses teach your child that their anxiety is not something to hide. It is something you can explore together with safety and support.
2. Preview the Plan to Create Predictability
Uncertainty is one of the biggest drivers of childhood anxiety. A simple preview of what to expect can help your child feel more grounded.
Share predictable details such as:
Who will be there
What activities might happen
How long you will stay
Where quiet or calm spaces might be
When breaks can happen
➤ You can even draw a simple timeline or use pictures for younger children.
3. Make a Coping Strategy Menu Together
Instead of expecting one strategy to work every time, offer your child a set of choices they can pull from. When kids feel a sense of control, their anxiety often softens.
Some ideas include:
Some helpful options:
Deep breathing with a visual like square, rainbow, or finger breathing
A small sensory item such as putty, a fidget, or a soft plush
Ear defenders for loud spaces
Asking for a break
A short walk with a parent
Retreating to a calm space
Repeating a grounding phrase like “I can do hard things” or “This feeling will pass”
➤ Practice these tools ahead of time so your child feels confident using them.
4. Identify a Quiet Space Before the Event Begins
Before walking in, help your child know where they can go if their body starts to feel overwhelmed.
This might be:
An empty bedroom
A quiet corner
A seat on the porch
The car with a grownup
➤ Let your child know that breaks are always allowed. You might say, “If things start feeling too big, you can take a break and I will go with you.”
5. Use “Bridges” for Social Interactions
Some children feel nervous about greeting relatives, talking to others, or receiving affection. It can help to offer gentle alternatives that still allow connection without pushing them too far outside their comfort zone.
Try options like:
Waving instead of hugging
Standing with a parent during introductions
Holding a familiar object for comfort
Practicing simple conversation starters like “I am in second grade” or “I like art”
➤ Every child connects in their own way. Allowing a bridge to help them warm up can make social moments feel more manageable and less pressured.
6. Set Realistic Expectations
Parents often feel internal pressure to make the holidays perfect, and children can sense that. Try giving both yourself and your child permission to adjust expectations.
You do not need to stay for the entire event.
Your child does not need to participate in every activity.
It is okay to simplify traditions this year.
Breaks, quiet time, and alone time are normal parts of family gatherings.
➤ The goal is not a flawless holiday. The goal is a supported child.
7. Debrief After the Event
Once the gathering is over, take a few moments to reflect with your child.
“What felt easier than you expected?”
“What was the hardest part?”
“What helped your body the most?”
“What should we remember for next time?”
➤ These simple conversations build self awareness and resilience, and they help your child feel understood and supported after a big day.
