Supporting Your Anxious Child Before Holiday Gatherings
For many families, the holidays are filled with excitement, connection, and celebration. But for some children, the weeks leading up to big family gatherings can bring something else entirely: worry, overwhelm, or a sense of dread they can’t explain. Changes in routine, unfamiliar relatives, loud environments, and long social days can make this season feel especially challenging for kids who experience anxiety.
The good news is that with a little preparation and support, children can feel more grounded, confident, and capable during the holidays. Here are some gentle, therapist-informed ways to help your child manage anxiety before upcoming holiday gatherings.
1. Start with Validation and Curiosity
Before you jump into solutions, begin with understanding. Anxiety often lessens when a child feels seen and heard.
Try phrases like:
“It makes sense that you are feeling nervous about this.”
“Tell me more about what your brain is imagining.”
“Thank you for telling me. I am glad we can figure this out together.”
➤ This helps your child learn that anxiety is not something they must hide or “get over.” It is something they can talk through and face with support.
2. Preview the Plan to Create Predictability
Uncertainty is one of the biggest fuel sources for anxiety. Creating a simple roadmap can make a big difference.
Share predictable details such as:
Who will be there
What activities might happen
How long you will stay
What spaces might feel quieter or calmer
When breaks can happen
➤ You can even draw a simple timeline or use pictures for younger children.
3. Make a Coping Strategy Menu Together
Instead of offering one single tool, create a menu of options your child can choose from. This empowers them to feel in control.
Some ideas include:
Deep breathing with a visual such as square, rainbow, or finger breathing
A small sensory tool such as putty, a fidget, or a soft plush
Ear defenders for loud environments
Asking for a break
Taking a quick walk with a parent
Going to a calm space
Whispering a coping phrase such as “I can do hard things” or “This feeling will pass”
➤ Practice these skills ahead of time to increase confidence.
4. Identify a Quiet Space Before the Event Begins
Before entering the gathering, help your child know where they can take space if they begin feeling overwhelmed. This might be:
An empty bedroom
A quiet corner
A chair on the porch
The car with a grownup
➤ Let them know breaks are allowed and expected. You might say, “You can take a break if your body needs it.”
5. Use “Bridges” for Social Interactions
The pressure to greet relatives, make conversation, or receive affection can heighten anxiety.
Offer gentle alternatives such as:
A wave instead of a hug
Standing next to a parent during introductions
Bringing a familiar object to hold
Preparing short phrases for small talk such as “I am in second grade” or “I like art”
➤ Remember that connection does not have to look the same for every child.
6. Set Realistic Expectations
Parents often feel internal pressure to make the holidays perfect. Children can sense this. Try giving your child and yourself permission to adjust expectations.
You do not need to stay for the entire event.
Your child does not need to participate in every activity.
It is okay to simplify traditions this year.
Breaks, quiet time, and alone time are normal parts of family gatherings.
➤ The goal is not a flawless holiday. The goal is a supported child.
7. Debrief After the Event
Once the gathering is over, reflect together in a curious way.
“What felt easier than you expected?”
“What was the hardest part?”
“What helped your body the most?”
“What should we remember for next time?”
➤This builds self-awareness and resilience for future situations.
Final Thoughts
Anxiety can make the holidays feel complicated for children, especially when routines shift and expectations grow. But with validation, preparation, flexible coping tools, and a calmer pace, your child can move through holiday gatherings feeling supported rather than overwhelmed.
If you notice your child struggling with persistent or intense anxiety, or if holiday stress is becoming difficult for your family to manage, our team at Reach Counseling is here to help. We are honored to support children, teens, and families in building emotional resilience during the holidays and throughout the year.
